Happy but confused :/

Yes sigh.
I'm truly grateful God answer my prayer
but as usual everything isn't always what we want
I miss talking to you
I miss the days where i could just tell you guys are mean and
you'd laugh and make me smile

I miss hugging you affectionately
I miss having you calling me to just ask "are you okay ? "

And eventually you just faded into my memories
When i do see you , there's merely only nods and half smiles
No more hugs , no more smiles , no more you
Yes. i know change is inevitable .
But pure feigned mask that you don't even know me hurts me the most

You still think I'm that small little girl
that helpless little girl
that DUMB and NAIVE little girl
yea i made a mistake last year
can you not at least give me
the benefit of doubt that i can do something right in your eyes?
just ONCE
Not to be ignored or reprimanded
just to be called what i was used to be

I try so hard to be presentable in your eyes
so that one day you can proudly say "That's my mei "
has it ever occurred that I'm not like you ?
I can't severe ties without a valid reason
and moving on isn't a valid reason in my book
it never is.

I'm not complaining,
i missed you , i was happy you said you were worried
it shows that you haven't entirely change
The old you is still there. I know . I believe. and i wont be shoot down this easily
Not this time. I won't .

What you said was out of concern , i appreciate it so much
I know to you i'm still dumb and or naive
but.
Did you realize when you were gone
I become someone much closed up and less trusting ?
No it wasn't your fault

it was only the promise
you broke...


xoxo
the small little girl